I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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