For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
