im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
