Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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