my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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