Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
