Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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