So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
