I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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