TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
