This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
