Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
