Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
