We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
