his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
