Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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