apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I see more hoeing in ur future
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