It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
