I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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