I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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