In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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