Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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