All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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