Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
