Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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