Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
