My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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