New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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