Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
