I'm jealous of your bromance
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize