You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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