he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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