the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
