This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
