Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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