and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
