This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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