I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
