i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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