So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
