Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
