he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
