I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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