A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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