i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
