before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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