I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
did i just pee glitter
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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