We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
