you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All I want is dick and wine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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