Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize