I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize