It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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