someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
