So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
