Duck Duck Cougar?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i think my cat just said my name.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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