great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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