Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
