Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
