i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
